5 Tips You Can Start Using Today
by Meagan Ruffing
You know it. The never-ending battle of your son’s messy room. His room isn’t like other children’s, though. Your son’s room is an all-out black hole where things disappear…never to be seen again. You feel the anger starting to boil up inside of yourself and before you can collect your thoughts, words are spewing out of your mouth: “Pick that up! How did your room get this messy? Why are your comic books torn up? Are these wrappers under you bed?” The truth is, kids with Attention Deficit Hyperactive Disorder (ADHD) have a hard time getting organized and staying organized. There are a few things short of threatening your child with taking away his electronics for the rest of his life that will let him know how serious you are about picking up after himself. Try these 5 tips the next time you walk into your child’s crumb-infested bedroom.
Tell him one thing at a time.
Kids with ADHD have a hard time following multiple directions. Give them one command at a time. For example, you might say to your daughter, “Please put all of the Legos in the red bin. When you are done with that, come back and see me.” Notice the command was not vague. It was very specific. This tip is imperative for children who process commands differently than other children. It can be overwhelming and frustrating for kids when they can’t remember the order in which to do things, which almost always leads to a meltdown.
As the parent, this extra and sometimes time-consuming step can feel like just one more thing to remember when dealing with our children, but in the end, it really does benefit everyone involved. Once your child has put all of the Legos in the red bin and is now standing in front of you, go ahead and give her another task. “Please make your bed and then come back and see me.” Even after specific commands like these, your daughter might still feel overwhelmed by the number of chores to be done. For these types of children, it is important to give a timeline or a plan. For example, “After you put the Legos in the red bin and make your bed, you can take a break and swing outside, but after your 10 minute break, you will need to go back to your room and hang your clothes up.” This story-telling to your child serves more than one purpose: it lets your daughter know what’s expected of her, communicates the plan clearly, and lets her know that her day isn’t going to be completely full of chores she dislikes.
Don’t be afraid to give rewards.
Some kids do better with tangible rewards. Forget the guilt that can come with thinking you’re bribing your kids. Do what works for you and your child, and get on with your day. Too often, guilt plays a major role in parenting children with ADHD. Let it go and remind yourself that you know your child best, and what works for other children does not always work for yours.
Allowing phone time or screen time can be a powerful incentive for kids who crave media. Use this to your advantage. If you see that your child is getting frustrated because he flat out does not want to pick up his room, tell him he can have five minutes of Minecraft for every direction he follows without whining. Be sure to remind him of this after he successfully does what you have asked him to do. Kids with ADHD crave structure and routine. It may not always seem like it, especially when they’re yelling back at you or being defiant, but these children need boundaries. Even though they like control and they like to test you, they ultimately do better when they know what is expected of them.
Make a story-telling board and go over it with your child.
A story-telling board is exactly what it sounds like. This is ADHD advice 101. Get a piece of poster board, markers and maybe even some stickers. You will write out and draw what you want your child to do each day. Keep the commands short and to the point.
Take a picture of each area cleaned up the way you want it.
This is a really simple way to have a visual example for kids of what you expect their space to look like. Remember the Legos mentioned earlier in this article? Take a picture of them in the red bin. When it comes time for your daughter to pick her room up, pull out that picture and show it to her. Kids need visual reminders of what needs to be done. This will take away any need for her to try to figure out what you expect and replace it with an exact example of what you want her to do.
Kids with ADHD May Not Like Praise – Go With What Works
Some do and some don’t. If your child does, than by all means, praise him as he picks things up. If you have a child who reacts negatively when you offer positive reinforcement, just wait until he is done with everything you have asked him to do and simply say, “Good job.” You may want to say more because you are used to doing that with your other children who love it when you tell them how proud or happy you are, but some kids can’t stand this. If this sounds like your child, simply acknowledging the hard work he has done is enough.
It may not seem like it now, but kids really do want to be good–especially those with ADHD. Depending on how old your child is, she may not understand why she acts the way she does sometimes. This is all part of navigating the tricky world of having a child with a behavioral disorder. Use these five tips the next time you walk into your child’s room and see a huge mess. You’ll thank yourself later for having a plan in place instead of reacting in the moment.
Meagan Ruffing has a 9-year-old son with ADHD. For more information on how to help your child and yourself, visit her at www.meaganruffing.com.